Confusion or Confucius!

Again, it has been a long time since I wrote. My life trying to adjust to living in Turkey and blogs being banned kind of made me stay away from my blog. (I will try to transfer this blog to wordpress so look for me there too). But later I realized how much I missed writing, which is so therapeutic to me. And then I realized how confused I am with my life at the moment, which somehow made me think of Confucius and led me to search him and go deeper into my thoughts. Just remember I'm no expert in philosophy, just searching myself.
Confucius, Master Kong (551-479 BCE), according to Chinese tradition, was a thinker, social philosopher, political figure, and educator. His teachings, form the foundation of the Chinese education and comportment of the ideal man, how such an individual should live his live and interact with others, and the forms of society and government in which he should participate. All these things, (education, how to be an ideal person or what is an ideal person and how should they interact with others, in a society with a government) are exactly what is nauseating my mind right now, so no wonder why my mind went to seek Confucius. He believed that people live their lives within parameters firmly established by Heaven—which, often, for him means both a purposeful Supreme Being as well as ‘nature’ and its fixed cycles and patterns—he argues that men are responsible for their actions and especially for their treatment of others. We can do little or nothing to alter our fated span of existence but we determine what we accomplish and what we are remembered for. Huh!?
His philosophy largely revolves around the concept of ren, “compassion” or “loving others” which involved deprecating oneself. This meant being sure to avoid artful speech or an ingratiating manner that would create a false impression and lead to self-aggrandizement. So, those who have cultivated ren are “simple in manner and slow of speech.” This is demonstrated through the practice of the Golden Rule: “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others;” “Since you yourself desire standing then help others achieve it, since you yourself desire success then help others attain it.” Also, it's added that practicing rituals are important to express respect. Subjecting oneself to ritual does not, however, mean suppressing one's desires but instead learning how to reconcile one's own desires with the needs of one's family and community. So, it is by experiencing desires that we learn the value of social strictures that make an ordered society possible. Mmmm! Interesting! Could it be related to the yoga philosophy or am I just confusing my mind even more...

Ok! As I continue my yoga practice and yoga teacher training with an injured knee and confused mind, I feel upsetness dawning on me and my inability to find a word for my latest attitude is annoying. I'm getting frustrated with my life and this realization by itself is frustrating because I'm not sure I can just be an observer of my life and surroundings. Woaaah! I have no idea what this means, but this is how I feel. But then I found Confucius said: 'When anger rises, think of the consequences.' and 'When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.' This helps me to relax. Turning inwards and examining ourselves is not so different than the yoga philosophy. And I'm forgetting that Hey! Life, our body, our mind changes constantly, it is impossible to control it. This is a scary statement for me and I can't believe I just said this but think about it; what have you been able to control? For how long? So, if we can't control anything what should we do, just observe life passing by? or observe it and participate in it? The Answer: I have no idea, lets just turn inwards and examine ourselves and this meditation will give us the answer. Again I have no idea, not yet. I'm trying to meditate and it's a wonderful feeling but I'm still confused!!! I guess this is the way it is:)

'Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.' said Confucius, and I usually like to think that following the heart is the way to go, which again seems to relate to the yoga philosophy and the energy of the heart chakra (center) where universal love and transformation may be found.
Funny, I didn't expect to be doing or thinking most of the things that I am doing and thinking right now which is also why I'm confused. I'm realizing ok yes I'm still in some transition or transformation trying to adjust to a new culture which seems close-minded and chaotic, and in this environment I'm trying to stay relaxed and focus on my own personal development, my future, my own feelings, my own yoga practice and my own ideas of the work I want to do so I can have a flexible schedule, which unexpectedly is taking up all my time and now I'm thinking...maybe a full-time job with a set schedule and steady income wasn't so bad. Another self-realization: I'm trying to adjust to a new culture (which I'm still not sure if it's a good idea, this Turkish culture), AND I'm trying to adjust to the life-style that I wanted; flexible hours with different work opportunities.
'Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star' says Master Kong. Oh, I can't imagine life without the moon or stars. The moon and the stars are part of my favorites in life, which by the way, tend to be ignored because we don't look up to the sky every night to feel the energy from up there. So, maybe it's about seeking, learning, looking inside ourselves and Love!

Alright! That's it! At the moment I'm so thankful to the internet, for my life and my ability to write and think...because I feel so relaxed and less confused now. Thank you for reading:)
'I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.' Master Kong