Meditation and Handstands

I am in love with meditation as much as I'm in love with practicing handstand these days. Never did I practice these on a daily basis, but it is a fun journey! These 2 practices used to be pretty difficult and a bit scary for me and I usually chose not to do them, but now I realize I was scared because I lacked the self-confidence and courage. Now that I'm actually learning the proper way to meditate and practice handstands I can't stop doing them every morning. Adho Mukha Vrksasana (downward facing tree), the Handstand is so fun:) OK, so every day I get my legs and hips straight up there somewhere, but then I gracefully fall back down. I can't stand upside down on my own and I don't like doing it with a wall because for some reason that scares me too, maybe I prefer the comfort of a person not a wall. So, this yoga pose is said to improve your sense of balance, calm the brain and it helps relieve stress as it provides you with energy. So, great to do it in the mornings, followed by a long and deep meditation, definitely reenergizes me. The common barrier is the fear of falling since humans normally don't stand upside down, but that's what makes it fun actually. Just watch some kids and you can see they love poses that seem absurd to adults because they have no fear and they love to play. Why can't we all do the same?.. For the adult body who is tangled up with stress (from simply living on this planet) you would need to be comfortable and correctly do Downward facing Dog and Plank poses as preparation for practicing Handstand...If you don't know what I'm talking about then don't even try this yet...Then when you're ready, from Downdog, as you inhale, step one foot closer to your hands (lets say the left foot) and allow your shoulders to stack right on top of your wrists, (similar to coming towards plank pose) gazing down somewhere between your hands, neck relaxed. Exhale and as you engage your core (the bandhas) straighten the other leg (the right) and flex the foot as you kick up. You may want to just kick up with that straight leg for a few times. Then, rest in Child's pose for a few breaths...and start again. This time as you kick up, bring the other leg along to stack your hips on top of your shoulders, and if you can stay like that great, if you fall or are afraid try it facing a wall or with someone holding you at the hips. Once upside down need to remember to keep the legs close and straight and the feet flexed...and keep doing this until you're tired, then rest in Child's pose before continuing your practice. By the way, flexing the foot is stretching your toes towards your head. Check out yoga journal for detailed info.
Funny that I actually was going to write about Meditation and how my life has improved with Meditation...I find myself writing about Handstands as well:)
So, I'm just in love. I can practice yoga and meditation all day and I'm just limiting it to my morning for about 3 hours of practice which is easier to do here in Bodrum. I had given myself homework about 2 months ago while I was in Istanbul to practice meditation every day and see what happens when I do it in the middle of chaotic Istanbul life. Well well well...it worked so beautifully:) I couldn't manage a routine every day, but I did manage to practice meditation somewhere in the day whether it was 5 minutes or 15 minutes (tried harder to do it in the mornings as it sets my mood for the day). Even just a few minutes if I was in a rush would help me internalize and remember that everything that is important, everything that I need is inside, not outside. No need to get angry or hurry or judge, life will happen as it is supposed to. All the love and peace is already within me ever since I was conceived, it just takes a few minutes of closing your eyes and sitting silently without moving to remember this...Even if there is a traffic jam, mean guys yelling for no reason, kids screaming, impatience, unrespectful people, pain or confusion or a nice atmosphere around you...it only takes a few minutes every day, just close your eyes and watch!
Well, after a month had passed I was so happy and thought yes I figured out this Meditation. Haha! Then my knee started to hurt again and became a limitation to my yoga and meditation practice. It became more painful to sit in meditation. I didn't want to go to yoga classes, I wanted to practice on my own. Then (just when I needed the motivation) we were advised to start our own practice during our yoga teacher training...oh how I missed that..to practice for hours every morning on my own. So I tried harder to practice myself at home..and was going to Bodrum where I can easily practice on my own anyway. Before I left, one of our yoga teachers was giving a meditation course. So I went. He said it's common for people who don't know meditation to think that people who meditate have no pain, but they actually do and they are able to tolerate the pain. I was translating the teacher who spoke in English to a crowd of Turkish yogis and when I heard him say this I couldn't help myself and say "Really?" and in my mind I'm thinking, 'I had no idea. How did I think I knew meditation' and 'That must be why I didn't like meditation before because I didn't want to tolerate pain? Huh? But what about my knee pain, I thought pain in the knee meant the start of an injury?'. So, when you don't know and sit in meditation and feel pain you may quit or think you aren't able to do it. But my knee pain? He said if you feel like it's an injury then you may change your sitting position, otherwise you need to sit without moving for 30 minutes, eyes open gazing on the floor in front of you. Hmmm
Later, I continue to practice meditation every day. I start to think: Could there be some psychological pain? Maybe. I feel the pain. I accept it. I don't ignore it and I'm not pushing it away. But I want to understand it. I think I am ready for Family Constellation (Aile Dizimi) a meditative therapy method to help unravel difficult family entanglements. I realize there is some unfinished business in my family's life. I may have solved some of it while living abroad away from family, but it's not complete yet. I want to continue, I want to bring it out to the open!
And we'll see what happens next. I've come so far to accept life as it is with the help of Meditation. I also now feel I can actually live in Istanbul. I can see a community there too, and some work. Maybe Bodrum isn't my only option. Wow! Change never stops right...transformations never stops! That is the beauty of life. And even more beautiful is watching these changes with your eyes closed happy in your core:)
Thank you for reading, it was long but beautiful I hope:)
I finish with the words of one of my fave songs by Donna De Lory, Bathe in These Waters:
Lost. Criticized. Hard to reach, hard to find. You will rise, I'll watch you fly. You will shine..in time. Bathe in these waters..bathe in these waters..and wash it away...wash it away...
Far..far from grace..wearing the past..on your face. You will change. Nothing stays the same. You will find..your way. Just Bathe in these waters..bathe in these water...and wash it away...
Hara Hara MahaDeva Shambo..Sharanam...