The Good and The Bad

"If he was a good person he wouldn't have lied and wouldn't have cheated. He's bad because he lied and wasn't honest. She was real nice, she behaved real good and handled the situation pretty well. It is difficult to understand why she is still thinking about such a bad, cold, and dark person. Maybe it's not him she's thinking about, she thought he was a good person as naive as she is because she is such a kind, loving good person herself. It is almost impossible for her to think badly of someone, although she knows there can be evil people. Or, there is something else effecting her, prompting her. In either case; She was mistaken. He is bad and evil."
My Story.
I was prompted to write about good and bad by one of my yoga teachers while thinking about what to write about. Then, I started to think- What is this good and bad? -and realized that not only me, but we all think of certain things, people, etc as good and bad every second of our lives. Such as...'what a bad tomato and how bad that guy was trying to sell me those awful tomatoes...or 'She gave me a big tip she must be a good person' or 'Oh, they got a divorce, oh no how awful!' etc...It also seems to me people have an inclination towards seeing or labeling things more in the 'Bad' category than the 'Good' which also bothers me. Why do we have to label something or someone as good or bad? Is there really such things as good and bad or is all just good or just bad? And could there be a reason why even Michael Jackson has a famous song singing "I'm Bad." (I love him and this song by the way) So, I have no idea what this all means yet.
But this book I just finished reading (and I love it) also made me think about good and bad.
" Takahashi: After I'd been to the court..and observed a few cases...I found myself less and less able to see these as other people's problems...They're a different kind of human being...Between the world they live in and the world I live in there's this thick, high wall...I'm a pacifist, a good-natured guy...As I sat in court, though, and listened...I became a lot less sure of myself...there really was no such thing as a wall separating their world from mine. Or if there was such a wall, it was probably a flimsy one...the second I leaned on it, I'd probably fall right through and end up on the other side. Or maybe it's that the other side has already managed to sneak its way inside of us, and we just haven't noticed..This system..'trial' thing began to take on the appearance of..a giant octopus..it has this tremendously powerful life force..moving through the darkness of the ocean..nobody knows where its heart is... There was this case of arson and murder..the guy was sentenced to death..the obvious sentence...all of a sudden..everything got one step darker..colder..Why did I have to lose it like that just because that guy got the death penalty?..Between him and me, there shouldn't have been anything in common, no link at all..and yet, I had this deep emotional upset...What I want to say is...any single human being, no matter what kind of a person he or she may be, is all caught up in the tentacles of this animal like a giant octopus, and is getting sucked into the darkness. You can put any kind of spin on it you like, but you end up with the same unbearable spectacle."
Haruki Murakami - After Dark
After Dark (Vintage International)
At this moment, I'm inclined to think that yes there is good and bad and both good and bad is part of each individual person, situation, thing... Just like there is nothing Perfect. Or if there is we can't comprehend it. I have to admit, in the beginning of my journey of writing this I first thought no matter how bad it may seem, all is really good, (trying to think positively) but now I see that no matter how bad it is, there is also always good in it. In other words, this is all about accepting the little bits of good and little bits of bad crumbles on our path because my crumbles could seem like needles for someone else and theirs could seem like diamonds to me. I feel that these crumbles that on occasion could be perceived as good or on another occasion as bad, actually lead us the way...to the unknown perhaps, but it is the way or the road we as individuals are supposed to be on. So, the good and bad in each person works for them, not to mention the percentage of good and bad probably varies all the time. A person with a certain percentage of good and bad may not always work for me or the good in me might not work for someone whereas the bad in me might work for that person...such and such...it seems it is really just accepting everything as it is, with the good and bad in it, whatever percent they appear as, and decide if it works for you or not...But of course, this is all so ambiguous.
Later, this same yoga teacher noted: If we said good to something just because it says it's good, then there wouldn't be any bad (non-good) things left. If we were to say bad to something that says bad to something else, then there wouldn't be any good (non-bad) things left.
So there is no good nor bad! Noooo
Aaaaaa! All these notes, my story, part of Murakami's story and other stuff piling up in my head. And all this time the murderer from the movie Infamous is in my head. Is there any need for all these? I mean why and how can we be effected by such unexpected and unknown sources? I feel sadness and a bit of fear thinking I too have some bad as well as good just like each one of you. I don't know the percentages, but that varies I suppose. How and Why? These could be unnecessary questions. Isn't that the mystery of life...or is it a miracle? Think it's simply Gorgeous!
It is hard to explain, and this is all so confusing and maybe even silly to think about for some people. But confusion can be a good thing...it prompts us to pull back and to look within for a better perspective that give us peace of mind.
To find this peace of mind, I end with some beautiful words by Rumi;
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.

So, let us all meet There...

Take Your Clothes Off and Be Naked!!!

Being Naked. For some reason, I have been thinking a lot about this concept lately, and then I realize I have a friend who is loving being naked, who is so open and sharing in a culture I thought was not possible to be like this or I might have misplaced my hope (in the judging Turkish society of course). Then one of my yoga teachers, Mey Elbi, wrote about it on her blog (in Turkish, Çıplak Olmak), and I found myself talking about this topic with others and even people I just meet (could be considered a stranger but then we talk about such an intimate topic:)) Then, I can't help myself but write about it, feeling the extraordinary exciting energy of this month, with 3 eclipses and the Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse coming on June 15.
So, what does being naked mean? Do you consider yourself naked if you take your clothes off, or when you tell someone (could be a friend) a secret, or tell them something that is embarrassing for you, or something you hardly share with others?
Well, I say, being naked is all of those things. In other words, it's literally taking your clothes off, or taking your masks, roles, acts, etc. off off off!
And I think it is a great thing:) Just think how much we are wearing. It's not just clothes we wear, but all those unwanted, ugly masks that are stuck to our faces, our body, our posture, even possibly tangled up inside, our aching muscles, sore bones... Some of us don't even realize these masks, and in that case maybe you have no idea what this is about...but keep reading:)
In some cultures there are hardly any clothing, possibly that is limited to mostly tribes in which also transcending healing and spiritual ceremonies or activities are practiced. They are truly being themselves, connecting their souls with each other and other energies in the universe during those ceremonies. Some of these ceremonies actually have healing power as they unravel hidden traumas. It's similar to yoga and meditation or even other therapies (modern people call these alternative therapies). A Tribe is described in the online dictionary as any aggregate of people united by ties of descent from a common ancestor, community of customs and traditions; a division of some other people. We, the modern people, call these tribal people weird because they are naked...don't we? Because we know better, because we have research, data, medical tools, weapons, etc. We know what life should be like, what 'Normal' is...
I don't think like this anymore. I'm not even sure if I did think like this before, but I'm realizing now that I've also lived with wearing too much, I want to be just who I am, who I met and loved while living in US. I grew into myself in US. And why did this self decide to move to Turkey where being herself, naked, is like jumping in the middle of hungry tigers? Don't ask me, that is still unclear:)
I feel now I can be myself, I can accept the tigers and let them be the beautiful animal they are on that side of the territory and just have a long-distance relationship with them. I, myself can move on to make friends who are themselves, naked, in a different territory, forming a community, and have a close relationship with my kind; in a tribal fashion. Community is described in the online dictionary as a social or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists. It seems to be similar to a tribe, don't you think? Just what I needed in Istanbul. Happy ending!
So, in the end, being naked is being open, being who you are. Who you really are, only you, and accepting this whether you like it or not, and sharing this in any way you feel like. Not allowing others to force you to wear anything that you don't want. It's also being physically naked and accepting that we are humans, we have beautiful bodies, the skin, the senses and we have feelings! It's Your body and mind, so do what You want with it. Let go of yourself, let if flow... It's already there, you are already happening the way you're supposed to. So, dream if you want, or sunbathe naked, or make love, or go to that place you've always wanted to go, or share something with someone that you've never shared before, or do something you've never done before! Or you may simply do nothing and take a break for yourself, to feel yourself, and be naked:)
Just like Black & White...Just like the White Snow melting into Clear Water...

Patience is Golden!!!

Dear Everyone, I have been so out of it, haven't felt like myself or in balance or 'normal' in any way all through the month of January. I spent most of January, one of the most important months of the year for me, being sick with some unknown cold/flu in bed. I stayed mostly at home in bed, even on my birthday I was at the doctor. I had no energy, not even to think and I was so desperate to try anything to heal myself as I had never been so sick like that. I had no idea what hit me, or how it hit me, but it felt like 50 trucks hit me and pasted me on to my bed. I couldn't do any yoga, I tried but didn't help much and because I had to go give up all the things I loved for several weeks and just sleep I was feeling worse and worse. (Even sleeping which I love was becoming too much but that was all I could do). So when it did pass, although many times I thought it wasn't going to, I was able to start thinking and planning again. It made me think, maybe I'm not as patient as I thought I was, or is this sickness part of my adaptation to the Turkish environment? because if it is I don't like it and why should I force my immune system and body through such torture? Finally once my head stopped hurting but I still didn't feel good enough to go out, I ended up watching TV (yes TV and its useless shows!!) and procrastinating and then did more of it. I haven't watched TV probably for at least 3 years, (I only watched rented movies) because I realized it's useless for me when I can spend more time in nature or reading, and there is the Internet anyway, and I had promised myself I won't watch it again, even if I'm in a house where others watch it all the time. And it was going well until I had to lock myself indoors and now I'm finding it's a difficult habit to cut. So, what's going on? I'm thinking this transformation/transition mode that I seem to be stuck in is getting boring. The worst may be that I've been thinking a lot more of how it isn't working out in Turkey, or maybe it's the city Istanbul with its chaos, it's making me miss Boston and my life, my freedom there so much that I have been seeing Boston in my dreams since the beginning of January. Oh! I said my freedom in US! Hmmm. Do I have to be in US to be free, or do I have to live on the top of a mountain isolated or do I find freedom within myself? One thing I know for sure is that my yoga practice (now with the help of my yoga teacher training) is helping me learn how to find these answers and solve the mysteries of life.
Anyway, as I still struggle with these thoughts and doubts about life in Turkey and life in general that feels like torturing my mind now, I received some wonderful inspiration from my yoga teacher Jenn Pici Falk from Boston/Cambridge. It was so well written and reminded me that I'm not alone and nor is any of you. We go through the troubles and struggles and the worst and the best of life together even if we are not aware of it at all seconds. I also want to thank all of my other friends who have tried to help me and send me positive vibes through this difficult time. But Jenn's message I couldn't let go, so I am including her words below. Maybe I should also note that she is pregnant, almost due:)

For most of you, it's not birth that you're storing energy for, but it's most likely something. On this Aquarius New Moon (and Chinese New Year), I send you all strength to liven up your life here in the middle of winter! Do something that will get you out of that rut. Try a new healthy food, try a new yoga class or teacher, treat yourself to a day of beauty or wellness, go to that music concert, read that book that you've always wanted to, or better yet...book that trip to the place you've always wanted to. It's that time of the year to step out of our personal boundaries and embark on something that will bring back your zest for life!
Something I've been seeing in the media and thinking about lately, is discovering what works for you, personally. This means in all areas of life. You see, it's not so much discussed about in our world how we should go ahead and do this. It's that everything is judged in the media and our society.
So, this got me thinking as to why people aren't talking about the fact that every person is on a path to their own lifestyle discoveries. On NPR, in the New York Times, on Oprah, on network television, (can you tell I've had more time on my hands?)...there are discussions about how you should eat, yoga rebels, relationship choices, political dilemmas (which are never compassionate), and everything else you can imagine. And most of the time, there is only one side of the story told or simply not enough information given for listeners or viewers to decipher a solid feeling about the topic. However, I seem to think that our society and our media continue to shape the way people DO think. And this is what troubles me.

The "Yoga Rebel" article came a couple Sunday's back in the Times about NYC teacher Tara Stiles. Apparently she leaves out any spirituality aspect of yoga and uses the practice as a main form of physical exercise and wellness. And her teaching has been getting attention because she's beautiful, fun, knows how to market herself, and is gaining in popularity. This article (among others published this year) brought some debatable discussions in the yoga community. Tara doesn't like to follow a specific "style" or branch of yoga. She plays pop music a lot. She's getting flack from "true yogis" in her approach. And then there was the On Point interview/discussion about the new book, Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses. The author is a middle-aged mother who discovered life lessons on the yoga mat, and wanted to talk about the pressures of motherhood in our society. As a mom-to-be, I already feel some of those pressures! That right there shows me more about our society. And even about the yoga community.
And yesterday's Oprah episode showed Oprah and her staffers trying a week-long Vegan challenge. Plus, Michael Pollan was on, and they showed a beef processing plant. It was an eye-opening episode for probably most of her viewers. I found it to be a bit fluffy (what can you expect from just an hour long Oprah episode?!), and the vegan expert they had on was not even a nutritionist and didn't really do a great job at discussing the proper way to cook really delicious whole food meals. Michael Pollan was way better and I just wish he would have spoke up more to America's people about the importance of shopping at Farmer's Markets for meat instead of the big chain stores, etc. (Perfect example of my own choice and opinion). In the end, at least Oprah enhanced the thought that everyone needs to be more conscious about their eating habits and do what is best for them, personally.
Which now brings me to my point. There is no "true yogi." There is no "right" way to eat. There is no "perfect" way to parent (or birth!). We are all on a path to find our own way. Yes, there are hard-core yogis. There are those who truly take the practice to another level and it's part of their every cell and being. But, there are also those that practice yoga at a gym after lifting weights, or running and they don't want to get any deeper into it than that. They might already have another outlet for spirituality. Some yoga teachers play kirtan music or no music at all. Some play Lady Gaga. And some are somewhere in between trying to find a nice balance in the midst of it all (that would be me). ;)
Of course there are better ways of eating for your health. But, who is to say that someone who is mindful of the meat they eat, and who eats whole veggies and grains as well, is any less than a vegetarian or vegan? And same goes with parenting. Of course there are pressures to buy acceptable toys, foods, clothes for your children and then also have time for yourself. But, who is to say that someone who uses cloth diapers, makes their own baby food, or home-schools their kids are any better than someone who doesn't?
These are all things I miss about teaching right now. Offering up the energy and discussion and awareness to people that it first comes from self-acceptance and discovering your own awareness before you can decide what, in our conglomeration of choices in this world, works best for YOU. So, keep on living day to day and practicing your yoga in whatever form, so that you can figure out your own sense of being. Find out more about something that you're interested in. Don't let the media do the thinking for you. Find out why you like and do the things you do, and then either keep doing them or make that change. We will fail many times and we will change our minds. The important thing is that we are doing it and we are understanding why we are making the decisions that we are.
Whew! Okay, now that I got that out there...
My pose recommendation of the month is to do any hip opener that you love. It's that time of year when we become super tight due to less activity, the coldness in our bones, and the stress. Get down into your favorite lunge, lizard pose, half pigeon, double pigeon, cow-face pose, thread the needle, frog, or anything that (once again) calls out to YOU.
Final note from EKC: Hip openers are my fave poses! So maybe you can try one and maybe you can consider watching less TV and or even stopping to watch it and find better, healthier ways to listen to yourself, what you really want to do. I know I will:)

Transition or Transformation?

Well I know I have neglected my blog for quite some time. There is no good reason for this because this was very important to me, but my reason is that I have been going through a huge transition or maybe its a transformation. Let's see...3 months ago, I gave the decision to move to a different country and since then have been on an emotional roller coaster with happiness, sadness, confusion, doubt and every other humanly feeling thats possible passing through me like electrical waves, changing my mindset almost every minute...lets just say it was a good experience. So I did survive all that and finally moved in early October to Istanbul, Turkey. Mmmm not sure if I feel comfortable with the truth of this, but it has happened already! But now that it has happened I can't stop thinking of the tranisiton I went through during the packing, moving, and saying all sorts of good-bye's, see ya later's and the like...I have been trying to transition the moving experience into a positive experience although I've hated most of it. (of course any of you who have ever moved to another city or even to another country know what I mean). But I've questioned myself, as always, to create more learning experiences from all the actions I've been taking.
So, is this a transition or a transformation? Well, the dictionary explains transition as: movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change. And transform as: to change in condition, nature, or character; convert.
In this case, I have been in a transition but with lingering transformation. I say this because in the past few years I have been going through transformations which has lead me to this transition and brave decision to change almost everything in my life. Well, not everything, but many things because I had been reading a lot and learning a lot and craving all sorts of positive changes as the world to me is not changing in the most positive way right now. So I decided to make the change within myself and share my energy with as many other souls as possible. Why Turkey? I can't answer that yet, I hope to get a good answer soon...
Anyway, the point is that I am realizing that it is very important and natural to go through these emotions and changes in life because it helps us understand and become the person we naturally are:) And guess what else, there is no age, time, location limit in which these changes can happen so be prepared and open your heart and mind to change because although it can be rough at times, it really is beautiful in the end!
A note/quote of the month:
"What we see or what we make publically available may not be as they seem, as a consequence of the positioning and contrapositioning of the unseen lying withing the whole.  Understanding what is seen rests, in all its simplicity or complexity, within the individual himself or herself. "

Ani Celik Arevyan, 2010, Photography exhibition at the Istanbul Modern Art Museum

"Is this art? What is art is questionable to me." Hüseyin Çağlayan - Fashion Designer/Artist