Celebrations!!!

Wow. I can't believe it's been so long since I wrote here. My life has been crazy as always and although I've wanted to write several times about things going on in the months I either didn't have time or just lost the urge along the way.
This time I'm really writing...and it's about the 13th of November, the New Moon, Solar Eclipse, and Diwali Festival (Hindu Festival of Lights) day!!! And Mercury is in Retrograde. So while the planets are shifting the energy of the Universe, some of us may feel shifts within ourselves as well. I'm feeling it in extremely strong vibrations!!!
This is the time to end the past and old habits, and welcome new ones. Similar to New Years resolutions. The Diwali, also called Festival of Lights is one of the biggest festivals celebrated in India by Hindus and apparently the celebration day changes each year, depending on the moon cycle. So, for it to fall along with the New Moon and Solar Eclipse day in November is not a coincidence. I am not a Hindu, however this week long traditional festival where Hindus all around the world light candles to drive darkness away, and welcome new beginnings feels like whats going on inside of me...things are shifting inside...some feelings and cravings are going away, leaving room for new beginnings and new changes to occur. So, the Hindus must know what they're doing I think, their nature coincides with the energy shifts in the Universe. And this is something actively felt by many individuals, including myself. Of course, astrologically some people may be more sensitive to feeling these shifts then others, but I don't know much about Astrology. I go by my feelings and instincts, and I am feeling some shifts and new things happening in me.
When I told about my feelings and how the energy of Diwali is coinciding with the moon and eclipse effects, my new amazing Indian friend said that at times I seem more Hindu than he is. It's funny but true...I love the Indian culture, and the more I learn about it, it feels like my own or that I could fit in easily:)

About the New Moon, and the time to start new beginnings. This one now, is more potent and effective to also leave the past behind, let it be, and maybe letting it go with forgiveness. Because really we can't control our lives as much as we would like to. Things happen when they're supposed to happen for a reason. And while leaving the past behind, focusing on the moment, staying in the moment with whatever sensations and feelings life is offering at any particular moment (while continuing to breathe and without holding your breath) is an important shift. This is the way to Awareness, and understanding what is really going on inside of you, learning to listen to yourself. Breathing through any difficulty that you may be facing in life. (Holding your breath would mean you're not dealing with the situation). And then whatever the future is holding for you, you'll know that its going to end up being wonderful no matter what. Remember, life can not go dark forever. So, no need to worry about that either, or plan every detail of the future. Life is too hard, complicated and mysterious to worry about the past or future. However, the way we human beings are, influenced by our egos, and experiences, worry is something we will have to deal with at some points in our lives.

Breathing is important here. Especially when we are faced with any kind of difficulty in our lives. Breath and air is the essential life force called Prana in Yoga. Without breath, life wouldn't exist. And when we hold our breath, it creates stress in the body. There is also scientific evidence that breathing from the nose is more important for health, than breathing from the mouth (unless your nose is stuffed up of course). The importance and ways of breathing is thought in Yoga. However, this would be another topic to write about later. Meanwhile, you could consider thinking about what this means to you...Have you noticed if you breathe from your nose or mouth more often? and What would happen if you started to breathe from your nose rather than your mouth?
I absolutely can tell from my experiences that, if I don't practice yoga and breathing exercises for some time, I get more anxious, and out of breath, and then find myself breathing from my mouth at times. I can confess that I wasn't practicing much yoga this summer, it was a stressful summer (in which I needed yoga) but I just wasn't in the environment I could practice in. And as a result, I got even more stressed which also resulted in some allergy attacks which I was not expecting since I thought they were all gone from lots of Acupuncture sessions. However, I was avoiding my daily practices.
Now, I have come back to my daily yoga practices and to Acupuncture and Ayurvedic healing practices which are helping out a lot. And then just recently during a Family Constellation session I realized that I finally have moved along (forward), and do not look back at my parents support any longer.
Also, it has now been 2 years in October that I've been living in Turkey. I did want to do a Second Year Anniversary celebration but I was too busy doing touristy stuff with an American friend who was visiting and I think I forgot about it. However, I definitely have been feeling more settled in especially since I got back from Bodrum (was there for 3 months in the summer), back in my personally decorated, colored, safe home and new job. I have been feeling some positive changes about to happen soon, I think because I felt more settled and accepting of the country, although I of course still have many disagreements since it's still a culture I'm learning.
What also happened is that I finally felt that I am really Turkish in deed!!! No matter how much I may want to deny this, and I may seem more American at times, I have the Turkish roots in me. However, this doesn't change the fact that I feel and act Turklish still. Now, I am able to accept my Turkish roots and honour them within me because it is part of what I received from my parents.
So, the month of November this year seems to gather many celebrations...a New Year, acceptance of my roots and family, letting go of the past, and welcoming new beginnings. I feel ready to go bungee jumping almost!!! haha not really:))

So I'll end this note with a quote from Sianna Sherman, a very wise yoga teacher who's workshop I just attended a week ago in Istanbul. She answered the question "What kind of Awareness is Yoga about?" at a Turkish newspaper interview: " At first, you start to have more energy and you start to feel good. You slowly start to notice things in life that you couldn't notice before because you've been tired or life was chaotic. So, this awareness has a physical and spiritual effect. After this process, you start to see the bigger picture, rather than the little details. At the end of the Yoga journey, you'll be seeing the forest!"
I loved her amazing energy as well as Seane Corn who was teaching together with Sianna. I highly recommend meeting both of them!!!

Happy November!!!

Patika

Bir yol. Dağlardan, orman içinden, su kenarlarından geçen dik, bazen düz, bazen taşlı, bazen camurlu yollar. Bu yollar eski köylerden, tarihi yerleşim alanlarından, müthiş manzaralar eşliğinde geçerek esrarengiz ve rahatlatıcı bir hava akımını başlatıyor. Bir yerlerde bu yollar, patikalar birleşiyor, ve sonra yine ayrılıyorlar. İşte bu yolların birleştiği noktalardan biride Faralya köyündeki Patika Merkezi.
Buranın nasıl bir yer olduğunu anlamak için internetten bakmak araştırmak yetmiyor, oraya gidip kendi gözlerinizle görüp, kendi bedeninizle tecrübe etmeniz gerekiyor. Orada kalarak, bahçede büyüyen doğal şifalı bitkilerin sayesinde hazırlanan yemeklerle, içeçeklerle, yogayla, manzarası, doğası, havası, insanları ve kesinlikle bu projenin ana damarı, kalbi olan Erol ile sohpetler ve belki ev yapımı şarapları sayesinde tam oracıkta oraya aşık olmak gerekiyor. Belki bu da yetmiyor, oradan bi ayrılmak gerekiyor, oranın değerini daha iyi anlayabilmek, özleyebilmek ve geri dönüş planları yaparak bu yola, Patika projesine katkıda bulunmak için.

Yağmurlu bir Salı günü varmıştım Patika’ya, Ölüdeniz, ve Kelebekler Vadisi manzaralı ve nefes kesen dar virajları olan dağ yollarından. Nisan ayında bahçe bayram ediyordu. Baharın gelmesiyle tüm ağaçlar yeşerirken, rengarenk çiçekler her yerden bana gülümsüyordu, aralardan fışkıran otlar, papatyalar kaplamıştı Patikanın kendi yollarını. O dönemdeki sevgili gönüllü çalışanlar, Meriz, Una ve Sandra’nın yardımlarıyla güzelim taş evime yerleştikten sonra açık Akdeniz manzarasına daldım. Erol günlük güzellik uykusundaydı:) Sonra uyandığında bahçenin turunu verdikten sonra hep beraber mis gibi yemekler yedik, Patika üzümlerinden ev yapımı şarabı içtik ve gece uykumuza daldık. Ertesi gün pırıl pırıldı. Güneş arada bi yüzünü gösteriyor, havayı ısıtıyordu. Bende çevreyi, bitkileri, dağları, manzaraları keşfetmekle meşgul buldum kendimi. Gönüllü çalışanları, köyden gelen yardımcılar, ustalar, Erol ve o ortamda yaşayan herkes tam bir doğal çevre oluşturarak doğayla uyumlu bir şekilde bahçe, yemek, ev yapımı, ev onarımı, vs. gibi işlerle uğraşıyorlardı. Permakültür. Yani permenant culture, süreklilik sağlayan bir çevre. Doğayla iç içe yaşayarak, ondan almakla kalmayıp, ona geri vererek. Tam anlamıyla geri dönüşüm uygulayarak.

Ben bu doğal oluşuma, Erol’a ve çevreye seyrekalmıştım. Çok yorgundum geldiğimde, İstanbul, şehir yorgunluğu vardı üzerimde. Konuşacak ne halim vardı ne de çok isteğim. Tam istediğim gibi izole, sessiz, sakin bir yere gelmiştim sonunda. Patika’nın akışına bırakıverdim kendimi, geri kalan herşeyi unutarak. Arada salata için otlar topladım, bahçenin çiçekleriyle masaları dekore ettim, mersin ağacının yaprağını keşfettim, ve çay yapımında kullandım, vs. yani bende ordan burdan ufak ufak bu çevrenin bir parçası olmuştum. Bazı günler ve bazı saatlerde çevrede olan işlerden dolayı elektrik kesintileri, ve su sorunları oluyordu, geceleri soğuktu, yani tam bir dağ köyü hayatı gibiydi. Geri kalan dünyadan tamamiyle kopmuştum, ve aslında bu durumdan memnundum. Bu hal bana çok iyi geldi. Zaten oradayken başka şeyleri insan nasıl düşünebilir bilemiyorum. Yapmam gereken Yoga Terapi eğitimi için ödevleri bile zar zor konsantre olarak tamamlayabildim. Tek isteğim sanki doğayı tüm duyularımla içime çekmek, kucaklamaktı; doğa ile bütünleşmek. Bir bebeği sever gibi sevdim doğayı, bu doğal çevreyi. Ormandan denize inen yolları keşfettim. Havlamayı pek seven şirin beyaz köpek ve şirin keçilerle, sürekli gülümseyen köylülerle karşılaştım. Diğer yolları, tarihi patikaları tam bulamadığımdan keşfetme şansım olmadı bu sefer. Patika’ya en yakın sahil denilebilinecek yer, hiç öyle düşündüğünüz gibi bir sahil değil. İlk gördüğümde gözlerime inanamadım. Böyle bir yer daha önce görmemiştim. Kalbim durdu sanki, nefesimi de tutmuş olmalıyım ki hafif esrarengiz ve ürkütücü görüntüsüyle bedenim bi yandan alarma geçerken bi yandan doğal oluşumun, renklerin verdiği uyumla beraber güzelliği de beni heyecandırmaya başladı. Tepeden bir kaç dakika bakakaldım kayalıkların içersindeki muhteşem doğanın bize sunduğu esrarengiz sahile. Ve sonra dik bir yamaçtan indim sahile. Ufak ama müthiş kristal kayalıklarla, çakıl taşlarıyla şekil almış, tam anlamıyla turquaz ve kirlenmemiş serin suların yer aldığı, krater görünümlü  bir sahil diyebiliriz. Su soğuktu ve mayom yoktu. Fakat ben bir şekilde o sulara kendimi bırakıverdim:) O kayaların, suyun, ormanın, etrafdaki kokuların, havanın şarhoşu oldum. Amerika’da yaşadığım yıllarda Boston şehirinden de arada bi uzaklaşmak için trenle gittiğim Rockport adındaki şirin ve kayalık bir kasabayı hatırlattı bu sahil bana. Rockport, yani taşlimanı anlamına gelen bu kasaba okyanus kenarında ve kayalıkların tepesinde şekillenmiş bir kasaba. Kayalıklardan müthiş açık okyanus manzarasına seyre kalırdım, taze yengeç ve sonrasında yaz ise ev yapımı dondurmalarından yiyip, kış ise zencefilli havuç corbası içip, ilginç taşlar, kristaller, vs gibi şeyler satan dükkanlarda gezip tazelenmiş olarak Boston’daki evime dönerdim. Fakat, Faralya köyündeki bu sahil çok daha güzeldi, ya da farklı bir güzelliği vardı diyelim. Rockport’u hatırlatsa bile ikisinin de kalbimde çok ayrı yerleri var.

Günler geçtikce ve yorgunluğumun yerini temiz hava, dinginlik, sakinlik aldıkca, ben sadece bulunduğum çevreyi gözlemlemekle kaldığımı fark ettim ve ayrılık vakti yakınlaşmaya başlamıştı. Son günümde o ufacık ama kayaların sayesinde müthiş enerjiye sahip olan sahilde güneşe karşı meditasyona oturdum. Kimsecikler yoktu, güneşin ısısı ve ayağıma kadar gelen dalgaların sesleri ve serinliği eşliğinde bir meditasyon. Yinede sanki hiç oradan ayrılmayacağım gibi hislerle, İstanbul’da beni bekleyen işler, öğrençilerim, müşterilerim, ailem, ve sorumlulukları tamamen unutarak devam ediyordum oradaki yaşamıma. Sanki İstanbul başka bir dünya, çok eskide kalan buğulu bir hayat gibi. Aslında, çok da yanlış değil. İstanbul’a geldiğimde şok içinde kendimi uzaya gitmiş falan gibi hissettim. Patika’da toplam 5 gün kalmıştım halbuki, beni oraya bağlamaya yetmiş demek ki. Daha önce yine Amerika’da yaşarken gittiğim Kripalu yoga merkezinden de 1 hafta sonrasında buna benzer hislerle ayrılmıştım. Ve daha 3 gün oldu İstanbul’a geleli, geldiğimden beri içimde bir hüzün kaplı. Şehir içinde, tanıdık ortamların içersinde çevreme alışıyor gibi oluyorum ama bi yandan da sanki burası benim ait olduğum yer değil. Üstelik Erol ile konuşmak istediğim bir sürü konu vardı, Patika’da öğrenmek istediğim, deneyimlemek istediğim bir sürü neler neler...ne oldu onlara? Sanki aklım durmuştu oradayken, ya da başka bir diyarlardaydım. Belki de Patika’daki yaşam ayaklarımı yerden kesti.

Aklım hala Patika’da, dağlarda, ormanlarda, kayalıklar içersindeki sahilde...nasıl geri dönmeli oraya acaba...

Breastfeeding Counselor/Lactation Consultant

Hello, finally I start writing again in 2012. This first article of the new year may be a bit too specific and detailed but I would appreciate you taking the time to read it.

You may have heard some things about breastfeeding if you are pregnant, or know someone who is pregnant. You may have even heard about a person called a Breastfeeding Counselor or Lactation Consultant and asked “Who is this person?” Or maybe you thought why need a breastfeeding counselor, isn’t breastfeeding a normal natural path anyway? Don’t worry; these are common questions, and I plan to clarify the meaning of these in this article.

I would like to start by clarifying the difference in the meaning of these titles. This is important especially in Turkey because this relatively new profession was started in the USA through a group of women who volunteered to help mothers and babies breastfeed in the 1950s. As this profession evolved into more pronounced certifications, through the support of the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNICEF this profession became Internationally standardized and an essential part in promoting breastfeeding in the world. Thus, most literature in Breastfeeding and Human Lactation is in English. Although many books are translated into a variety of languages, the widely used textbooks in this area are not yet translated into Turkish. In the USA, a Breastfeeding Counselor sometimes referred to as a Lactation Counselor or Breastfeeding Educator is an individual usually certified through a National Association. Their certification is usually based on specific experiences and knowledge, and in order to continue their credentials they are required to participate in continuing education. In Turkey, from my experiences, these individuals, collectively referred to as ‘Emzirme Danışmanı’, may or may not be certified through an International or National Association and their certification is not necessarily standardized. However, Lactation Consultants, short for International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), are individuals internationally certified through standardized and regulated Associations. To become and IBCLC, one is required to gather certain hours of experience in helping mothers and babies breastfeed and then pass an International exam. This process is regulated by the International Board Lactation Consultant Examiners (IBLCE). Then, the practice of an IBCLC is regulated by the International Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA). This process and the Associations are supported by WHO. So, the difference really lies in the meaning of the words Counselor and Consultant.

Now that I’ve clarified the meanings of a Breastfeeding Counselor and Lactation Consultant, I would like to continue with explaining what these individuals actually do. This is important. In short, the aim of a Breastfeeding Counselor and Lactation Consultant is the same: To promote, protect, and support breastfeeding. However, there are some slight differences in the responsibilities of an IBCLC. An IBCLC is a consultant specialized in providing the needs and concerns of the breastfeeding mother-baby pair. Their responsibilities are determined by WHO and ILCA. These are:

• To prevent or diagnose and solve any breastfeeding difficulties.
• To evaluate, diagnose, solve, and follow up on any breastfeeding difficulties that may occur. Some of these issues are: Latching problems, engorgement, infections, mastitis, or premature, weight issues, allergies, and other special situations.
• To promote, protect, and support breastfeeding worldwide. This can be achieved by offering breastfeeding classes or personal lactation consultations to women, families, the public, and health professionals.
• When needed working with a multidisciplinary health team to help diagnose, and solve the breastfeeding issue that a mother-baby couple is experiencing. This includes referring mother and baby to other specialized health professionals.
• Follow the ILCA Ethics Code. This is also known as the WHO Code: International Code of Marketing Breastmilk Substitutes. This includes several princibles that generally aim towards providing the baby with safe breastmilk substitutes in the rare case when breatmilk is not available. In summary, the artifical feeding needs to be offered in a way that resembles breastfeeding as best as it can, and the correctly labeled artifical substitute can only be offered to a mother by a health professional. No free breastmilk substitutes are to be given to health professionals or mothers.

Actually, it is possible for a Breastfeeding Counselor to have similar qualities, experiences and education of an IBCLC. However, the part that is especially important is that the Breastfeeding Counselor in Turkey may not be regulated by WHO or a National Specialized Association. Of course I’m not saying that in Turkey you can only rely on the advice of an IBCLC not a Breastfeeding Counselor. I am only hoping to help you understand the difference between these two qualifications in order for you to choose the counselor or consultant that meets your specific needs.

Currently, in Turkey, there are only two IBCLCs including me which is a small number compared to other countries. Universally, almost every country has several IBCLCs. They usually work in hospitals, birth centers, clinics, or independently. The concept of a Breastfeeding Counselor is becoming prevalent in Istanbul and in 2011 the Ministry of Health has started offering Breastfeeding Courses to Nurses. However, in many countries, when there are difficult breastfeeding situations that require medical attention, an IBCLC consultation is preferred. And more IBCLCs are preferred to work as the Breastfeeding/Lactation Consultant at a hospital. In my experience, the breastfeeding courses offered in Turkey are limited and remain very basic, and continuing education of a Breastfeeding/Lactation Consultant is not routinely encouraged. There seems to be no special course that examines Breastfeeding and the Human Lactation scientifically which could educate individuals to become an IBCLC. Since research on breastfeeding benefits and lactation still continues extensively and may sometimes change what we offer mothers and babies, it is especially critical that a Breastfeeding Counselor or IBCLC stays up to date.

Furthermore, volunteer based support groups for breastfeeding mothers are limited in Turkey. The first La Leche League International (LLL) group was established in Ankara in 2011. This is an internationally well-known support group, however it is not professional counseling, it is designed as a mother to mother support group to help breastfeeding mothers establish a community where they can share their experiences and continue breastfeeding. These kinds of support groups usually help mothers successfully breastfeed for longer.

 

In consequence, according to the 2009 UNICEF data on Turkey, the babies who exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months, and the babies who breastfed up to 2 years of age are 42% and 22%, consecutively. Compared with World standards, these are very low percentages. There is still a lot to be done to promote, protect and support breastfeeding in Turkey. What YOU can do is inform your friends and community about the concept of a Lactation Consultant. You could start by promoting my services in Istanbul which are, Breastfeeding with Awareness Classes every 2nd Wednesday evening of the month and personal Lactation Consultations as home visits. Let’s support each other by sharing! 

 

English References:

• International Board Lactation Consultant Examiners (IBLCE )
• International Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA)
• World Health Organization- Breastfeeding
• La Leche League International (Volunteer Support Services to Moms)
• www.kellymom.com (An informative side prepared by an IBCLC)

In Turkey:

• www.do-um.com
• www.damara-cocuk.com
• Book: The Womenly Art of Breastfeeding, by Weissinger, West, and Pitman, La Leche League, 8th Edition. (Turkish version: Emzirme Sanatı, La Leche League International, Gün Yayıncılık).

1st Year Anniversary!!

Exactly 1 year ago today I said Goodbye to USA and Hello to Turkey. I had lived in USA for 13 years, 9 of it in Boston. I didn't have much idea about what was going to happen when I moved to Turkey, similar to when I moved to USA as an 18 year old, I had the blind courage of leaving and moving away. Although this time it was more like leaving and moving on, rather than moving away. Plus when I was moving to USA I knew it was mainly for the purpose of education. Moving to Turkey had no clear purpose whatsoever, except maybe I wanted some change and adventure.
Today, during my meditation, I strongly felt the real reason of me moving back to Turkey, more specifically to Istanbul. Before I get to that, I want to write about what happened during this first year.
As I'm writing I'm trembling...my eyes getting slightly wet with tears that have been coming out since my morning yoga/meditation...and I'm nervous for no specific reason that I'm aware of at this moment...Am I nervous for sharing these with you, maybe?
I bought a 1 way ticket to Istanbul (never bought a 1 one ticket before). I flew to Istanbul on the 5th of October, arriving on the 6th, 2010. I had sent my belongings as in 25 boxes via a shipping company which was to be arrived in 2 months or so. So once I arrived home (or rather my parents home) in Istanbul I was exhausted from packing and saying goodbyes. Within a week or 2 I flew to Bodrum in the south of Turkey where we have a summer house. This was also a 1 way ticket from Istanbul. As I tried to relax and enjoy the off season emptiness of the South, warm days and cool nights, I found myself meeting locals, making friends and planning on living in Bodrum without returning to Istanbul. Ha! Remember I had no clear purpose of why I was moving to Turkey. I did want to eventually live in a quiet place away from the city, in nature, but I hadn't thought about Bodrum and imagined I would stay in Istanbul at least for a while. But life was moving on in Bodrum and I was loving it the more I stayed. I stayed there for 3 months and returned to Istanbul end of December only because I had to go and fetch my boxes from customs. I didn't plan on staying in Istanbul for too long, I was planning on living in Bodrum, for real! But then I started yoga classes in Cihangir Yoga and then Acupuncture therapy and then decided to continue in Cihangir Yoga with their Yoga Teacher Training...still thinking I'll go back to Bodrum every month or so. Then I found myself with job options in Istanbul and I was making friends. But I was very very unhappy in Istanbul. I was thinking the only reason I'm living in Istanbul now is because my acupuncture therapy is taking long. I was waiting and waiting to move away from Istanbul again...I even thought I would move back to USA if jobs in Bodrum didn't work...I was really unhappy in Istanbul for several reasons. One, living with parents after 13 years of independence was really challenging. Second, I didn't feel like I belonged to Istanbul, I felt like a foreigner...and so I acted like a foreigner. All this time I was continuing my acupuncture therapy and yoga teacher training. Then, some things started to change. It was the time after my brother and his girlfriend came to visit us and we were 5 people in the house. I found myself going mad...seriously I was like a madwoman! The house was too crowded, not to mention the 13 million crowd of people living in Istanbul that I had no interest in knowing because I didn't give them a chance or myself a chance to really look. I was like a lunatic American, afraid of Turkish people...split between an unknown Turkish personality and strong American personality. I was irritated and angry all the time. I quarrelled a lot with my family. I didn't like what had become of me and my life in Turkey. I was so frustrated not only with the chaotic city and my family but more with myself. What the hell was going on? So, one of those days when I was extremely frustrated, I decided to sit in meditation. Meditation was not something I liked really, and we hadn't studied it much in our yoga training so far. But for some reason, I felt the urge to sit in meditation. So I did. And once I sat still and closed my eyes I felt at HOME! There was craziness and ugliness outside and no place I could call Home, but I felt at HOME in meditation. It was an amazingly beautiful feeling. I don't remember if I cried during my first meditation or how long it lasted, but after that I decided to give myself homework to sit in meditation every day and see what happens. So I did. And eventually I fell in love with meditation. Few weeks later my yoga teacher gave us the same homework; to sit in meditation everyday because we had studied it now. I continued and have been continuing it ever since, every day, sitting in absolute stillness for 5-30 minutes. The more I meditated the more I was able to sit still and tolerate life. The life as it is. I just watch and observe my thoughts and feelings that pass during meditation. I sit still even though my back, or hips or knee hurt sometimes. As I continued meditation every day and my yoga teacher training and added my own yoga practice to my day...I found myself being calm, quiet and peaceful throughout the days. During this time, somewhere around June-July my acupuncture therapy was coming to an end, but suddenly my right knee was in a lot of pain. It limited my yoga practice so much that I cried from frustration. I refused to be seen by a doctor other than my Acupuncture doctor. But the knee cried in pain every day. Then I decided to try Family Constellation. I did a session in Bodrum. I felt even more peaceful after that...but that only lasted until I came back to Istanbul and faced my parents again. Meanwhile I got involved in a very short but extremely upsetting love story which lead me to crying for unknown reasons during my daily meditations. I cried during every meditation for about 2 months. The love story wasn't the reason I was crying. The love story was a vessel that lead to deep holes inside of me and stirred it all up. In a way I was cleaning up the dirt inside of me. I also did another Family Constellation session, this time with my yoga teacher, Zeynep Aksoy, in Istanbul. Again I felt more at ease and peace the days following this. But I think there was something else, maybe I still couldn't accept some things or whatever that was supposed to happen after the Family Constellation seemed taking too long. Later, I decided to stop expecting something, and just let life be itself and tried to continue working on accepting life as it is.
I don't know how to continue writing, but so many little things were happening these past several months...making really good friends in Istanbul, getting to know the Turkish culture, accepting the fact that I too am Turkish, visiting Budapest, visiting Bodrum again, and deciding to settle and live in Istanbul and not Bodrum, preparing a house to live in Istanbul...somehow little by little I found myself more and more tolerating and accepting life and especially my parents as they are...and accepting myself the way I am. Istanbul became a livable place for me, and I actually was enjoying the fact that I could stay calm and at peace while life in Istanbul continued to be chaotic! And my knee pain was a lot less, although now I seem to have a neck injury, but no worries, I'll get over that one too...
Then in September our yoga teacher training ended with a retreat in the Kaz mountains which was an amazingly beautiful experience. I was sad when departing from my group of yogi friends, but I also knew that now I have a community, a place where I belong in Istanbul. We had shared so much that I'm sure it is impossible to stay apart now, although we may not live in the same city or see each other.
So now, I am a Certified Yoga Teacher, Dietitian and Breastfeeding counselor. Already giving yoga classes at a gym and have plans for my new home.
I still continue my daily yoga and meditation practice. Yesterday, during my practice I saw myself back in Boston, I saw myself with my friends there and then I saw myself with my yoga teacher Jenn Pici in Boston. Her warm smiling face sent warm feelings to my heart and suddenly I was filled with courage to accept myself as a yoga teacher and go and start teaching.
Today, I designated as a holiday for myself since its my 1st year anniversary. So, I slept in and when I woke up did some gentle yoga and in the end sat for a 20 minute meditation. During shavasana, the last resting pose, I again felt myself in Boston and found tears rolling down my face, and then as soon as I sat in meditation it started again, small and then huge tears rolling down my cheeks wetting my hands, clogging my nose and throat. I was thinking, am I missing Boston, or am I sorry for leaving? That did it. I cried harder..and harder..and harder..I couldn't sit still anymore, I was bending over my legs, head on the floor crying like a madwoman...this is what happened: I had the urge to keep saying "I'm Sorry". Then I felt and then saw the reason, the unknown purpose to why I came back to Istanbul. My Mother! I was sorry to leave and keep leaving things behind and ignoring the fact that I have to face my mother..in order to move on with my life as it is..so, during meditation and in between crying I faced my mom and said: I am Sorry! ...And this went on for about 30 minutes. I realized very clearly that the main reason I moved back to Turkey is so I would learn about Family Constellation and do this yoga teacher training and have my own Family Constellation sessions done so that I can face My Mother and unravel all the knots in our family...so we can continue our family tree with tolerance, love, peace and harmony. Once I realized this I started shivering. So this must be the reason. And I am happy that all of this happened. It was not an easy process, but this is a big step forward in my life!
Thank you for reading. This was very openly written, but I felt the need to write it and share it.

(The photograph is me and my family camping in North of Turkey. I am around 16 years old.)

Yama Niyama Asana - Bhagavad Gita

Hint kültürünün temelini oluşturan Yoga, aslında Patanjali'nin Yoga Sutraları denen metindir. İnsan beden-zihin için bir kullanım kılavuzudur. Bu yazım Cihangir Yoga merkezindeki Zeynep Aksoy ile olan yoga eğitimimden mezun olabilmem için anlamam ve yapmam gereken son ödevdi. Artık bende bir Yoga Eğitmeni olarak bu bilgilerimi paylaşmak istiyorum.

Patanjali'nin Yoga Sutraları'nda sözünü ettiği hayat düzenleyici öğretilerden olan Asthanga'nın, yani yoga sürecinin sınırları ya da kolları olan ilk 3 öğretiden bahsediceğim; Yama, Niyama, ve Asana, ve bunların sunduğu 10 İlke:

1.     Yama: (her durumla ilgili evrensel ifadeler)

Ahimsa- Duyarlılık, Şiddetsizlik, şefkat, sevgi (yoganın esası ve temeli)

Satya- Dürüstlük

Asteya- Açıklık

Brahmaçarya- İçtenlik, Samimiyet

Aparigraha- Çömertlik

2.    Niyama:

Saucha- Sahicilik, Saf

Samtosha- Güven, Memnuniyet

Tapas- Tutku

Svadhyaya- Farkındalık, kendini bilmek

İshvarapranidhana- eylemin doğasına yakınlık, kendiliğindenlik.

3.    Asana – bedenle ilişkili bir oluş şeklidir, teknik değil.

Yama ve Niyamanın sunduğu 10 ilke veya net görebilmek için olan lensler ve Asana arasındakı bağ nedir ve nasıl kuruluyor?

Bunlar sırayla Patanjali’nin yoga sutralarındaki ilk 3 öğreti. Bu nedenle geri kalan 5 öğretiye devam etmek için veya onları anlayabilmek için bir yol gösteriyor. Yani Yama Niyama ve Asana’nın ortak özelliklerinden biri üçünün de yol gösteriyor olması, veya bakış acısı ya da net görebilmemiz için lens sunuyor olması. İnsanların, yaşam veya bilincin (evrenin) doğasını net bir biçimde görebilmeleri için Yama ve Niyama ile 5’er tane lens sunulurken, Asana’da beden bir lens olarak sunuluyor. Başka deyişle, söz edilen 10 nitelik ve beden bir araç olarak kullanılıyor, doğal olana daha yakın olalım, daha derinden ve net olarak görebilelim diye.

Yama Niyama ve Asana arasındaki bağ da bence Yama ve Niyama’nın sunduğu 10 ilkenin Asana, yani fiziksel haraket hali sırasındaki durgunluk ile birlikte kullanılması. Örneğin, bir fiziksel yoga pozu olan Uttita Trikonasana (Üçgen pozu) sırasında fiziksel bedenimizle ve kendimizle dürüst, içten, cömert, güven, farkındalık içinde, vs. olmamız. Belkide tüm 10 ilkenin kullanılabildiği anda Asana’daki gerginliğin olmadığı, ikiliğin ötesindeki durgunluk oluşuyor. Yani yama ve niyama yoga uygulaması için bir temel oluşturuyor. Ve bir bakıma yama ve niyama, olanı geniş açıyla net görebilmemiz için 10 tane lens sunduğu gibi asana da bedeni lens gibi sununca, olana daha derinden, daha yakınlaşmak ve net görmek mümkün olabiliyor. Bu hem bir fiziksel yoga pozu sırasında hemde yaşamımız için de geçerlidir. Bunların (yama, niyama ve asana) sayesinde yaşamda daha da derinleşmek, daha da yakınlaşmak ve evreni daha da geniş bir açıyla net görebilmek mümkün.

Bir de Bhagavad Gita diye bir metin vardır Hint Kültüründe. Bu sanskrit dilinde yazılmış kutsal bir metindir ve dil nedeniyle yorumlaması çok zor olduğundan tarih boyunca çok çeşitli şekillerde yorumlanmışdır. İnsanlığın başlangıcından da önceye dayanan bir Bilinç, ya da Bütünlük, ya da benim yorumumla Doğal, Basit Yaşam kılavuzu gibi. Var olmanın farkındalığı. Hiç bir amaçı hedeflemeden, kuralsız, ızdırapsız Doğal Yaşam. Ödevimiz Bhagavad Gita'dan bizi en etkileyen bölümü seçmekti. Bizdeki yorum aydın Ramesh S. Balsekar tarafından yapılmış. Öncellikle şunu söylemeliyim ki en etkileyici, en sevdiğim bölümü seçmesi çok zordu. Bize verilen bölümleri eğitimin sonunda ikinci defa okurken hepsi anlamlı ve rahatlatıcı geliverdi, halbuki bize verildiği eğitim başları zamanında çoğu çok anlamsız ve dini gelmişti. Şimdi Bhagavad Gita’da yazılanların bir din amaçlı olmadığını anlayabiliyorum ve din neymiş sanırım onu ilk defa anlayabiliyorum. Biri herşeyi olduğu gibi kabul et ki ızdırabın azalsın derken diğeri din olan kural koyarak kısıtlıyor olanları ve başka gereksiz ızdırap çıkarıyor. Bendeki Ramesh’in yorumunda Tanrı kelimesini ilk gördüğümde otomatik olarak bu dinden bahsediyor diye düşünüyordum ama sonra yoga eğitimimde derinleşince ve bu metine geri dönünce fark ettim ki bu bir yorum ve başka yorumlar da olabiliyor, Tanrı yerine Enerji, Bütünlük, Bilinç, Evren denilebiliniyor. Bu beni rahatlattı; çünkü Evrensel Enerjinin varlığını hissedebiliyorum, ona inanıyorum ve güveniyorum. Bunları Tanrı olarak yorumlayanlar için de din gibi olduğunu sanmıyorum çünkü bu yorumda günah veya sevap yok, kural yok, yani sonunda gerçekleştiremezsen suçluluk duygusu içinde olucağın kurallar yok. Sadece olanı olduğu gibi kabul etmek var, Farkındalık var. Fakat, Bhagavad Gita’da yazılanların tıpkı dinmiş gibi farklı yorumları olduğunu biliyorum. Daha önce Hare Krishna gurubunun bana verdiği Bhagavad Gita’yı okurken sonlarına doğru baya sıkılmış ve rahatsız olmaya başlamıştım. Şimdi Ramesh’in yorumunu okurkende gerçi ilk defa biraz rahatsız oldum ama o sanırım Tanrı kelimesiydi beni en çok rahatsız eden, ki bu da bendeki yorumda bile farklı yorumlanabiliyordu. Yinede ne kadar çok Bhagavad Gita’yı okumak artık rahatlatıcı ve güzel gelsede, o huzur içinde olma hissini sürdürmekte hala zorlanıyorum. Yani hatırlamak için sürekli olarak bu yazılara geri gelmek ve yogaya devam etmek geriyor sanıyorum.

En etkileyici bölüm: Bölüm IV-18

Eylemin içinde eylemde bulunmamayı (inaction), eylemsizliğin (non-action) içinde eylemi gören kişi bilge kişidir. Eylemin içinde olduğunda dahi ağırbaşlılığını koruyabilir.

Biraz anlaması zor gelmişti ve Ramesh’in yorumu da çok daha fazla açıklayıcı gelmedi. Fakat benim için bunun anlamı şöyle: Bhagavad Gita’da bir sürü kez belirtilen bu konu; eylemde bulunmamak değil eylemsizlik içinde olmak önemli olan diyor. Bu bölüm ise bana göre sanki bu konuyu en iyi özetleyen bölüm. Yani ne yaparsan yap veya ne yapıyor olursan ol ama sonunda fark edebilirsin ki, bu senin elinden geliyormuş veya gelmiyormuş gibi görünsede, gerçekte senin kontrolünde değil hiç bir hareketin, eylemin, veya hiç bir şey. Çünkü bir eylemin veya eylemsizliğin çok fazla faktörü var, genetik, yakın ortamdaki ve evrendeki diğer enerjiler, vs. Bunu eylemi gerçekleştirirken bile fark edebiliyorsan o zaman eylemsizliği veya tam huzuru hissedebiliyorsun muhtemelen. Ve eğer bende olduğu gibi bu farkındalık sürekli olarak gidip geliyorsa bile, eylemi gerçekleştirirken hafif bir sakinlik, dinginlik veya ağırbaşlılık içinde olabilmek mümkün. Ve bu bölümün beni çok etkilemesinin nedenlerinden biri de bunu hissedebiliyor olmam. Küçük küçük anlarda eylem içinde eylemsizliği ve eylemsizlik içinde eylemi fark edebiliyorum, ama bunlar saniyelik anlarda gerçekleşiyor. Yinede o bir kaç saniye içersinde kendimi çok huzurlu ve dingin hissediyorum. Bhagavad Gita’da bunu gören veya fark eden kişinin bilge olduğu yazılı. Benim açımdan bilge kişi dediği, yaşamda ne oluyor olursa olsun, sürekli olarak huzur ve dinginlik içinde olabilen kişi demek. Ve sonunda da yorumda deniliyor ki dinginlikten de eylemsizlik olan eylem doğar. Yani eylemsizlikte bizim kontrolümüz dışında olan bir eylem aslında, çünkü insanoğlu hareketsiz kalamaz zaten.

Yorumda bulunan Taoist aydının yorumu da çok hoşuma gidiyor.

"O, cennetin ve dünyanın bir aynasıdır, her şeyin yansımasıdır. Boşluk, dinginlik, huzur, sadelik, sessizlik, eylemsizlik (non-action) - cennetin ve dünyanın düzeyi budur. Bu, mükemmel Tao'dur. Bilge kişi burada dinleneceği yeri bulur. Dinlenerek bomboş kalır."

Burda benim yorumum huzurun veya huzur ve dinginlik veren enerjinin (boşluk, dinginlik, sadelik, sessizlik, eylemsizlik) dünyanın bir aynası ve herşeyin bir yansıması olduğu söyleniliyor. Bilge veya huzur içindeki kişi burada dinleneceği yeri bulabiliyor ve rahatlatıcı bir boşluk hissedebiliyor.

Bunun sonucunda çok hoş hisler içindeyim. Aynen, boşluk, dinginlik, sadelik, sessizlik, eylemsizlik, ve huzur hissediyorum. O yüzden bu çok etkileyici bir bölüm.

Ve o yüzden yoga eğitimim beni duygusal ve fiziksel olarak çok etkiledi, ruhsal acıdan dönüşümlere, ve psikolojik acısından ilerlememde yol verdi. Seviyorum Yoga'yı ve yaşamı olduğu gibi (iyisiyle ve kötüsüyle) kabul etmeyi...

Not: Fotoğraftaki yoga pozunda ben ve bir arkadaş, Kaz dağlarındaki eğitim sonu inzivamızda...

Erik the Fruit, not the Man:)

Erik means plum in Turkish. Can (pronounced chan) Erik is a kind of plum which I've only seen in Turkey. They are not like any other kind of plum. Eric is an American name used for males, also the name of one of the vampires in True Blood. So you see Eric is Erik in my mind. They sound very similar. Whenever I hear the name Eric I automatically think of Erik and wish I had some to eat. Funny but it wasn't one of those American guy names I was fond of because I keep thinking of Erik the plum, not the guy. And they are so delicious, the fruit Erik I mean:) Especially the kind Can Erik is harvested only in early Spring for a short period. So in Turkey, we can eat it only once a year. I lived without Can Erik for 13 years in US, occasionally some Turkish markets would import it, but coming all that way it wouldn't taste the same really. Still was great to see the real Erik, not Eric or the regular plums in markets.
By the way I'm not the only one, most Turkish people I would say are fans of Can Erik and can't wait to have some once a year. They are sold in markets now, but also they're a great street food. You just pop it in your mouth, suck and swallow the juicy flesh and spit the pit out (I mean in a container to throw away later, not on the street). Of course best to wash them before eating since its hard to imagine organic and street food being related but while on the street I say it's ok to pop in some risk...
Once, one of my friends, even more of a Can Erik freak than me told me that she was bringing some Can Erik from Turkey and since plants including fruits are not allowed to pass through customs in US she was caught and was told to let them go! Oh No! She was so upset, she actually sat there at customs and tried to eat as much of Erik as possible before letting it go to waste. I mean come on! What else could she do, obviously she isn't a terrorist trying to bring in a toxic plant or something. It's food and it's going to waste!
Anyway, I wanted to write about Erik the plum, especially Can Erik before the plum season is over. There are no more Can Erik now, it was all eaten by June, but we still have some ripe red plums in season.
Note: I ate the most Can Erik I possibly can this year, the year I moved back to Turkey and had dreamed of Erik for 13 years:)
What is so special about Can Erik? These cute golf ball size green hard & juicy plums are not only nutritious but also delicious, full with a unique sour flavor. This Can kind of plum is actually the unripened plum which is why it's so tart and sour. But plums are one of those rare fruits that can be consumed before ripened. Best consumed when chilled and some people like it with salt (to try it with salt you would eat the plum as you dip it in a small container of salt with each bite). I personally like them the way they are, and would recommend eating without the salt or just a few with salt since too much salt can cause bloating, and worsen heart and lung problems.
The online Turkish store Tulumba describes it as: This special plum (Erik) is like nothing you had before. It has a unique tart and sour taste and, unlike other plums, it is very hard. Its fans can't wait for it to arrive each season which usually starts in mid-April and ends in mid-May. The April batches are smaller and the size grows gradually throughout the season.
So when April arrives you can order them from Tulumba or ask for them in a nearby Turkish store if you don't live in Tukey.
How nutritious? Well I actually couldn't find scientific facts on the nutritional quality of specifically Can Erik, but plums (Prunus domestica) in general are low in calories, high in vitamin C, fiber (with the skin of course), and is a good source of vitamin A, K, vitamin B2 (riboflavin), and potassium. They are also a good source of antioxidants which help prevent cancer and fight against anemia. The more ripe the more antioxidant. They shouldn't be eaten with current kidney or gallbladder problems because they are high in oxalate which can cause oxalate crystals related to kidney stones. There are 2000 varieties on this planet, mostly known as either Europe originating plums (originated near the Caspian Sea before the Romans) or Japanese originating plums (originated actually in China). They are relatives of the peach, nectarine and almond, and are considered "drupes," fruits that have a hard stone pit surrounding their seeds. They come in a range of colors, best known for red, green, or purple plums.
When plums are dried, they are known as prunes, and when dried they are more concentrated in fiber which can be more effective in treating constipation (with a glass of water).
So, enjoy a bowl of plums now...and remember April is the season for Can Erik, and check out your nearest Turkish source!
Plumy..